Anyway. Be warned. This is a VERY photo heavy post, which is why they’re all behind the cut. the page will take a while to load…

First of all, though, an update. The last three months have been very sad ones, as well as busy. University studies have taken most of my time, and are mostly going well – you can look at the Education page to view marks for specific assignments. But outside of studies, they’ve been sad because I lost both my grandmothers: my paternal grandmother at the end of October, and my maternal one just 2 weeks before christmas. Both had been ill towards the end; Nannie (Paternal grandmother) had broken her other hip and was in a great deal of pain, Grannie (Maternal grandmother) had had a spell in hospital a few weeks before but had just given up, mentally. For both, death was a release, a blessing, so to speak, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that this year has been a very bad one for our family, especially as I lost my father in January 2011. I just hope 2012 will be substantially less painful.

Dad, in one of his favorite places in the world, Scotland.

Christmas was especially painful – not just because of Grannie’s funeral, just a few days before Christmas, but because, as a cousin of mine put it, “there were too many empty chairs”. I know exactly what she meant. It will take a while to get over this. I was far closer to Grannie than to Nannie – Grannie was the lady who owned Stoneheads house, the inspiration for this blog, and a woman who was also directly responsible for my childhood love of history and who never stopped encouraging me to learn, to develop, to make the most of myself. I shall miss her greatly.

otherwise, we have mostly been settling into our new home, exploring Leicester and what it has to offer – which is a lot! We love the city and our new home, especially the views. I promised Photos, and Photos you shall have – a sort of year’s review… In January, we spent two unplanned weeks in Ludlow with Mum because of Dad’s death…

berries on a bush in Mom's Garden in January

gravestone in St. Mary Magdalene Church

Snowdrops in the grounds of the local Church

In February, at half term, we again went to spend time with Mum in Ludlow. While there I asked for her to take us to Wroxeter, a Roman town (that hasn’t lasted as a town, unlike places like Chester or Bath), to see the ruins there, for one of my archaeology assignments…

all that is left, above ground, of Wroxeter Roman Town - the thick bath walls, known as "The Old Work".... but the baths have been excavated, as well as parts of the old Forum, and there's plenty to see, and lots still remaining below ground. It will be left buried though - once something is dug up, the record, in an archaeological sense, is destroyed, so archaeologists are trying NOT to dig except where necessary.

at Easter we went to Ludlow again. You can see the pattern developing here! Mostly it was about supporting Mom, all three of us healing and grieving from dad’s death. In between, I focused on my studies. We paid a visit to Clee Hill, amongst others, clambering over the spoil heaps and mine workings there….

Michiel and Mom on Clee Hill

View down into the valley from Clee Hill

Suzie, receiving much needed and deserved cuddles from Mum (she had been left alone for the morning.. awwwww...)

After Easter I focused on exams, but once term ended we were off to Yorkshire for my great aunt’s 100th Birthday Party. For privacy reasons I won’t post photos of that, but here are some of the ones I can post:

Michiel and myself (and Bella) enjoying the morning sunshine in our hostess's garden. She was looking after Bella for a couple for a week while they went away.

Jasper (my mom's cousin's huge, young, boisterous, loveable dog) and Suzie (mom's dog) in the garden

In early August we played host to a couple of friends from Utah… who had the foresight to visit the UK just at the time of the London Riots! Fortunately they missed any excitement but had to wander around Manchester at a point where there was a heavy police presence. I spent the evening handing out jelly babies to any police offers we saw (and we saw a lot. even a couple of police horses. Horses like jelly babies! who knew?!). We also took them to the Manchester Science and Industry Museum which they were deeply impressed with…

Michiel, John and Liz outside Manchester's Roman Ruins, by the Museum of Science and Industry

Also in August I got my results and gained a place at Uni, and we started to house hunt. We found our dream house… and were gazumped on it.

our dream house - nicknamed "the moat house"

the verandah and garden

the stream that ran by the side of the house

so with a heavy heart we started house hunting again. Mom found us a house and we signed up to it, trusting her, sight unseen (big leap into the unknown!), and began to pack up in Manchester…. we stayed at mom’s overnight in Ludlow in September:

We shut down the flat in Manchester and handed the keys back on the monday, all our belongings staying in the removal van overnight, while we headed down to Ludlow to stay with Mom overnight. That morning it was cold, wet and misty while walking the dogs (along with Charlie, who you can see looking at the camera there, a handsome older labrador belonging to one of mom's neighbours), before we headed across to Leicester to meet the removal van...

cobwebs caught in the morning mist

the day soon warmed up though and by the time we got to Leicester it was warm, sunny and gorgeous. And THIS view awaited us from the back bedroom window....

Michiel standing in the yard, all happy

For while it was very chaotic and stressful as we tried to find stuff and put stuff away

but we slowly got sorted out - kitchen and dining room, at the rear of the house

and settled down to enjoy our new home - living room from the door to the hall

rear of our home from the bottom of the yard

My study - where I am right now!

some of the books in the study (but only a fraction of the ones in the whole house

Jess was absolutely exhausted by the stress of the move but she loved the yard, the freedom of being able to wander in and out of the house, and sleeping out there in peace and quiet.

Jess has slowly learned to socialise with other dogs, building on her experiences with Suzie and Charlie, and in her walks in this HUGE field just 2 minutes walk from where we live, she meets many many other dogs and thoroughly enjoys socialising and romping with them. She even has a boyfriend now - a gorgeous, blue eyed Alaskan Husky called Alfie - something that seemed impossible to imagine back in Manchester. The move has been extremely good for her as well as us.

the house has also given us treats such as this - October sunrise from the dining room french window

- and this, from our bedroom window - Michiel even swore he could see a very faint triple shadow, but I couldn't, sadly -

- to this, moonrise, also from the bedroom window. Its a wonder we get anything done. And don't get me started on the fireworks from Diwali - they were amazing!

I’ve started at Leicester University – enduring fresher’s week (and fresher’s flu!):

Attenborough Tower, affectionately called "the Cheesegrater" by the locals. I have some of my lessons in here. Fantastic views - its very hard to concentrate!

you only see stuff like this during Fresher's week! I still have no clue what that was all about!

Part of the great thing about Uni has been the chance to attend events like these - I went to the first one (before fresher's flu got me) and it was an extremely interesting talk, and I really recommend, if you ever get the chance to hear Ruth talk, to grab it...

We’ve spent time cooking:

chicken and veg thai kebabs with CousCous

lime and coriander salmon with thai veg stirfry

and of course we come then to Christmas, both at home….

our christmas tree at home

With the challenges that a new house present in terms of christmas decorations - especially when you've not put up the candle sconces you're used to using for xmas decorations... this used to go between them in the old flat. here, i draped it over the stair bannister instead.

mom's real christmas tree... put up on christmas eve...

a display I made to say thank you to a friend of Mom's, who very kindly hosted the bun fight after Gran's funeral, just a few days before christmas...

display i made for mom's christmas dining table

another one I made for the living room, to go on top of the television

The christmas dining table all ready for christmas lunch!

It wasn't a white christmas, but still capable of stark beauty when the light was just right...

and the dogs loved being able to get into the garden, romp around and playfight...

most of the time they were unaware they were being watched but occasionally they would realise. "oh... hai. we can do somethings for youz?"

and would curl up sort of together at the end of the day - although Jess claimed Suzie's bed. she has older bones. that's it. (and if it wasn't that, she was camped out in front of the wood burning stove)

Suzie and Jess patiently waiting for treats

There are many many more photos on flickr – I don’t have room to post them all here – but its given you a taste of our year, our new home, our new life.

I hope – if you’ve made it down this far – that 2012 is a good year for you all!!!

That apart, I’m thoroughly enjoying the course itself. I’m not sure I’m learning a great deal at this point – or to be more accurate, I’m not sure I’m taking in very much if only because its all a bit overload – but I may look back and see that I took in more than I thought I did at the time. There are a few teething problems with the communication support, but I guess I knew that was going to happen, and I’d rather they happened now and get ironed out than when I truly desperately need them.

In terms of the house: we’re slowly unpacking the remaining stuff. Whats holding us back now is waiting for permission to do things like put up shelving, we have a lot of books and not enough bookcases, so until the shelving goes up, the boxes are stacked in the spare bedroom. We got the all clear today though, so over the next few days that shall be done and the last of the boxes shall be folded up and go into the loft ready for the next move. Otherwise things are settling down, we’re slowly making it a home and settling in and the house in Manchester seems like a bad dream at this point in time.

Leicester itself is proving to be a lovely place to live. I’m sure its got its drawbacks but so far we’ve not found them. The people are friendly enough, there’s plenty of shops and the city centre is a nice place to be, there’s a good food market there which is always a pleasure. Mum is coming up on saturday for a visit, so we’re looking forward to that. Diwali started last sunday, so we sat and watched the fireworks from the bedroom window – we have a lovely view over Leicester itself. We’re quite looking forward to Fireworks Night now! Its so peaceful here. We found a sort of playingfield/communal area about 2 minutes walk from where we live with similarly gorgeous views over the city where we can walk Jess, and its all helping to banish the Manchester blues, as I’m coming to think of them. This place, for all its issues, is coming to mean something quite special to us both – and we certainly both really appreciate that we’re lucky enough to live here, mostly thanks to the support and help of my Mum. Jess seems happier here too – she loved the night that we spent at Mum’s (although she didn’t like being unsettled), and thoroughly enjoyed the walk we had with Mum, Suzie (Mum’s Dog), one of Mum’s neighbours, and Charlie, his dog the following morning. Jess got to meet her first cow. I’m not quite sure what she thought of it! But ever since then when we’ve met a dog she’s been much more willing, it seems, to play and be adventurous. There’s one dog in the park where we walk her sometimes called Lily who is a very enthusiastic 2 year old labrador puppy, and Jess usually ends up romping around with her like SHE’s a 2 year old pup, not a 9 year old sedately middle aged lady! She’s taken to playing with a ball too, something she rarely did in the old flat, and she adores the yard here. its a good move for her.

I’ve updated the education page with details of what I’m doing this semester and next, and as I hand work in and get it back with results, I’ll post those results here, just as I did last year. At the moment I have a rotten stinking cold that someone gave me – euphemistically known as “Fresher’s Flu”, although its not a flu, just a nasty cold. hope it goes soon!!

On that note, its getting late and I have an early start tomorrow – its not all the life of riley, living as a student you know!!! will try to update again soon

Will try to blog my experiences each day, at least to begin with, am taking my camera with me tomorrow so will try to take some useful photos of the experience, if I can.

And now: I’m off for an early night!

There’s still a long way to go, and its a long day – we’ve been on the go since 6.30am and Michiel has his head down, snoozing on the table. Another long day tomorrow, but… at least we’re out of there, and in a matter of hours, we’ll be shaking the dust of Manchester off our feet.

Next stop: Leicester. A new city. A new Uni. A new life! New Hope. New Dreams….

I can’t wait to be out of here. The window is broken – again. It was broken a few weeks ago by a couple of bricks being thrown at it. Its been boarded up ever since – although we’ve reported it to the housing association, we’ve asked them not to replace it until after we’ve moved. And despite that, they’re still throwing stones at the window.

Its kind of a shame that our time in this flat has come to an end like this. The cooker left on Friday (as a gas cooker, it had to be disconnected by a qualified technician) and I felt quite emotional about it. we’ve had that cooker for the last 7 years and its done us proud, seen us through countless batches of bread, cakes, roast dinners, christmas dinners… Its silly, its a lump of metal, an inanimate object, but i still had a lump in my throat as it was taken away. The end of an era.

So much has happened in this little flat, both good and bad. And although we’re leaving for good reasons, going somewhere better, to a better life, I’m still angry with the louts that have driven us out of here, that have made our last days here uncomfortable, a torture, rather than excitedly focusing on the move and the new life that awaits us.

Just two more nights.. two more mornings, then we’re gone, shaking the dust of this place off our shoes as we leave. And I sincerely hope we’ll never return.

We finally got the news earlier today, and the deposit has been paid, so its all official – at least, until the day of the move and we get down there to sign the tenancy agreement! We’re moving in on 27th September, with this flat being packed up and closed on 26th September (we’re staying at Mom’s overnight).

Its a nice, 3 bedroomed semi-detached house in a nice part of Leicester. Not the best, but we can’t afford the best. Its better than where we live now, so this represents a step up in so many ways. The spare bedroom means that Mum can come to stay with us on a regular basis, as often as she wants to, (as well as anyone else, like Michiel’s parents) and I get a study of my very own for all my university studies. We have a week to get the house sorted, then I start at Uni on 3rd October.

Gosh.

Thankfully, we’d already found a removals firm and established a relationship with them, so all they needed was an address and a date. They’re packing for us, which also reduces a lot of stress, but there is still an awful lot to do in the next two weeks. But we’ll get there – we have a lot of motivation and a lot of help and support from people that count (such as our families).

But for now, for today, we’ve handed in our notice on this flat, we’ve agreed things with the removal firm, things are slowly starting to grind towards the chaos that is moving day, and … well. we’re happy. We have hope. And that’s the important part.

We were just getting into Leicester when Michiel had a phone call from the agents handling the house we were meant to be seeing at 10am. It was 9.10am. They apologised and said that an application had come into the agency for that house that morning so they were no longer taking any viewings for it, but there was another property in the same road that they would like to show us round. We agreed on the basis that we were there, so we might as well, and it might be a nice house (we were actually extremely cross because the house we were supposed to see was very nice, and the agency knew that we had come all the way from Manchester for this). The agent was late – actually, the original agent was so late the agency sent out a replacement. The house turned out to be a disaster: the decoration was dreadful, although the landlord said generously that we could decorate it how we liked, the rooms small, the yard tiny and unkempt, the kitchen was tiny and there was a huge gap in the back door that would’ve allowed a terrible draught in winter. The general feeling was.. “no way in hell” and we thanked the estate agent and said that we would let her know.

Property no 2 was okay. a quiet street, but opposite a school, the property turned out to be a disappointment, although it was well decorated and kept, the kitchen turned out to be disappointingly tiny (much tinier than it appeared on the photographs), and the set up downstairs meant that the dining room would have been turned into a study-cum-larder-cum-bikeshed-cum-dumping ground – and we wanted a nicer home than that. The agent was late for this too, although he apologised profusely and explained that one of his staff had called in sick: after that he was unfailingly polite and professional. (I’d consider any future properties from that agency, actually, I was so impressed with his demeanour).

The agent for Property no 3 was also late (are we seeing a pattern here?). Again, the property turned out to be tiny and not what we had hoped. The bathroom was dirty and the paint was peeling from the ceiling, the kitchen was tiny. The agent seemed to have difficulty keeping his eyes off my breasts and had the general all round air of “creepazoid” – and it wasn’t just me, Michiel commented on it as well. Not impressed. Parking was difficult as well – we had to park a few streets away.

Property 4 – late again! – was well decorated but again, not what we expected. Most of the property was okay but there was a tiny bathroom and a tiny kitchen, which definitely needed some work, and the garden, while large, had rotten fencing which Jess could’ve gotten out of. It was also on a main road and backed by what looked like rough council houses. Nothankyouverymuch. We thanked the agent and left again.

Property 5 – which was the one we liked the best, before viewing any of them. It had a river running down one side of the property and we jokingly called it “the moat house”. We arrived to find some people already in the property, viewing as well as us, which we were rather annoyed about. We questioned the agent about if we put in an application for the property, would it be kept for us, they wouldn’t allow someone else to gazump us? the answer was no. So we had a look around. The house definitely needed some work but it was the best we’d seen – the kitchen wasn’t ideal but it had a large covered veranda with a large secure garden, a huge garage, a lovely joint sitting room/dining room, with three bedrooms.. it was just what we wanted. not perfect, but it had to scope to be somewhere we loved a lot. We immediately drove to their offices in the centre of leicester and put in an application. We couldn’t move in till 16th, and the agent warned us that the landlord wanted someone for the 9th, so he said, well, put your application in. i’ll call the landlord, see what he says. if he says no to 16th, I’ll call you and you can change it to 9th, and go with that. we agreed and gave him the application fee (£250!) and left the office. Within 10 minutes we had a call from him saying that he couldn’t reach the landlord because he was away working, but he would call him first thing in the morning, and call us then, but he was going to recommend that the landlord accept our application. We agreed, and headed off to the last viewing.

Property 6, which we decided to view anyway in case something fell through on Property 5, the agent never showed up for. Fortunately the existing tenant was home, a young woman with a child, and while she didn’t know anything about the viewing she welcomed us in and showed us around. A semi-detached house, with a through sitting/dining room and the tiniest kitchen i have ever seen, it was nicely decorated with a small triangular garden and a small garage. not ideal, but definitely no 2 on the list. We thanked her and thankfully hit the road to go home because it had been a long day – we’d gotten up at 5.30am and by this time it was 6pm.

We felt full of hope that night. We were going to get out of the flat we hated, our heads were a-whirl with plans for the new house, what we would have to get done in the next two to three weeks in terms of closing up the flat, preparing to move and so on.

That all came crashing down this morning. The phone rang as we were sitting down to have some coffee at about 10am. It was the agent. He was most apologetic but another couple had put in an application that morning and since our application had not been formally accepted by the landlord, the agent had to hand him the other couple’s application as well as ours, and the other couple got the property, not us.

We were very very very angry, needless to say. it seemed to be one rule for other people, and one rule for us. A dream had been ripped away, but more than that. This is a time when I should be preparing to go to university, looking forward to an exciting period of my life, and instead i’m beset with worries about where we’re going to live, worries about actually getting to Leicester in time for the commencement of the University term, and unpacking, getting things sorted out before the chaos of fresher’s week. I begin to see why the vast majority of first year students go straight into halls – it saves the stress of learning a new city at the same time as learning one’s way around the university. I sat down this morning after the phone call to try to find some more properties, and I just felt so disillusioned with the whole process. I felt like I could not trust any of the agencies and had the general attitude of “well.. why bother?”, an extremely black mood. Fortunately I managed to lift myself out of it – helped by Mum taking us out to lunch at a local pub with very very nice food, and then up to Clee Hill, which I’ve been up before but which has some stunning views.

And now.. we’re on the way home. Uni starts 5 weeks on Monday. We have 5 weeks left to find somewhere to live and move there. Mum has agreed to go back to Leicester next Tuesday to view more properties (since she can get over there more easily than we can) and we are going to have to trust her judgement, although she will take photos, and we’ll go on those. we just have to keep bashing away and hope that somewhere out there is the right house for us that the landlord will let us have. But certainly, I am disappointed. And angry. And I don’t think I’m unjustified in feeling that way.

[and now I'm home, and posting this. I'm allowing myself to chew on the anger, to be upset, but tomorrow: tomorrow is a new day and we WILL get past this. I've worked too hard to be defeated by a bunch of rude estate agents....]

We’ve also found a removals firm – they need two week’s notice, so as soon as we’ve found a house we can sign on the dotted line, hand in our notice here and book the move, and we’re off, off and away!

In terms of college, the last two exams? I got distinctions for. Don’t think anyone would be majorly surprised by that! I’ve had the official results letter: a certificate should be arriving at some point in the next couple of weeks. I’ve had an official letter from UCAS confirming my place at Leicester University so its all officially and stuff now.

Its just dragging on long enough now that i just want to move and have done with it. We’re living in limbo here: not knowing where we’re going to be in the next few months is seriously starting to pall. On the plus side though.. for the first time, we’re actually starting to think about where we’re going to be living, and planning, and daring to hope for somewhere nice. Before, it was a case of dreaming of not being HERE, of getting out of HERE, without any real thought as to where we would go. Almost anywhere would be better than HERE. Now, the focus is switching, and for the first time in a long time, there feels like real hope in our future.

Obviously with the impending move there’re a number of things that have to be done in association with that, from obvious stuff like finding somewhere to live down there, packing, move notifications and so on, through to more obscure stuff like sorting through things, trying to pare down some of the stuff we’ve got. The house has to be given a really good clean before I can hand back the keys, and of course I’ve got to hand in our notice to our current landlords, as well as getting the garden looking decent. There’s basic housekeeping stuff to be done on the computer – such as sorting out the thousands of photos I’ve got, the websites I’ve bookmarked, and my directory structure on my hard drive, all in preparation for next year, because once my degree kicks in, I won’t have time for all that. I also expect (and hope), once I’ve gotten my place officially confirmed (around mid-July to mid-August) to receive a book list from the University for the books needed for next year. Any reading I can do ahead of the start of the course is only going to benefit me in the long run, as well as giving me some indication of what we’re going to be covering. I know the first year takes the long view, covering history in large sweeps of time, from the Anglo-Saxons through to modern day, from English history through to foreign countries, but other than that… no idea. Its exciting and nervous all at the same time!

I also have to sort out finance: not so much student finance, that’s all in hand, but DSA – Disabled Student’s Allowance. This is what pays for my notetakers/interpreters at Uni, and I think I have to have an assessment for it. Its one of those bureaucratic things that can go badly awry if you don’t get it handled right, so I have to hope that it does. I’m waiting on a letter from the doc now (confirming that I do indeed have Diabetes and IBS – this is down purely so that its on my records in the case of problems during an exam), so once I get that, sometime next week, I can get the DSA application in the post and hopefully kick things off with that.

There’s other stuff that needs to be done too, though. Firstly: I need to get my diabetes back under control… badly. With college work taking over everything, I’ve let things slip and slide over the last year and its showing on my waistline. I also need to work on coping mechanisms for keeping healthy eating patterns going when I go back to uni and studying, because my health cannot afford for me to continue the way I have been doing for the last 10 months. At the moment, I’m deliberately overdoing the sugar and rubbish, to make my body feel as awful as it can. I know it sounds counterproductive, but I’ve done this before (and its how I quit smoking, by the way: I chain smoked till I felt sick, went and had a sleep, then got up and didn’t smoke any more) and it seems to work to provide the initial impetus: the idea is that once you give your body healthy foods, its craving the vitamins and minerals and good stuff that it all just tastes fabby. The hardest part of any change in eating patterns is the first four weeks, especially when you switch to a low-carb diet, as your body craves the get-energy-quick-fix that it’s used to having, and it leaves you feeling distinctly grumpy. This is why I OD the way I do: it provides the incentive to get through that 4 week period, because after that, I start to feel absolutely bloomin fantastic, thankyouverymuch – I suddenly have zonks of energy, look and feel cleaner and purer (inside, I mean, not talking about hygiene!) and just generally all round bubblier. And with the impending move, that’s something I’m going to need, very badly.

Secondly: once we’ve moved there are things that need to be sorted out, ideally before I start at Uni on 3rd October. Some are obvious – registering with a new doctor, dentist, opticians, finding a new library, finding new shops, and so on. Some are more personal. We’re hoping to get a little 2 bed house, so that we can have visitors to stay. If we’re lucky enough to get that then we need to put some effort into finding suitable furniture for the second bedroom, as well as a second desk – at the moment, Michiel and I share a desk, and while that’s been okay for the last few years (its a big desk) and we certainly don’t have any space to put another one here, once we move I am going to want my own space for studying. We need to find new services too – such as a new internet provider, sort out the new house and unpack stuff and start to learn our way around Leicester. Its exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. I just hope and pray that we’re doing the right thing with all this.

Whichever way you look at it, there’s a lot that needs doing, and if I allow myself to think about it all at once I rapidly start to feel very panicky. Up till now I’ve been able to tell myself “think about it when college is over” and mentally put it to one side. I can’t do that any more… and I don’t know whether its providence or what, but having something like this to do over the summer period is what I need to sidestep those grasping tentacles of depression. I just hope it doesn’t get beyond my ability to cope with – its not for nothing that they say a house move is one of the most stressful things you have to cope with in life….

But for now, for the weekend, I’m chillin’ out, baby. I’ve some books from the library (no history books!) that I can race through over the weekend. A college classmate (who’s become a good friend) has lent me a DVD, “The Notebook” so I’m looking forward to watching that. Mum lent me “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I”, and while I saw it when I was staying with her, Michiel hasn’t, so I have to watch it again. (oh *dear*(!)). She also lent me “The King’s Speech”, and I have a book on that too, from the library, so that ties in nicely. I’ve some DVDs I’ve bought/given to me as presents, but never watched: “Atonement”, “Cloverfield”, “Torchwood” (the boxed set), and of course, Torchwood: Miracle Day is on the box over the summer. (YAY! Captain Jack Harkness: purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr), and some stuff on the PVR which I recorded ages ago and never got round to watching, all of which I’m really looking forward to. Come Monday I start the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other-thing again, sidestepping those tentacles and working to pack up this part of my life in preparation for a new life in Leicester.

I took the last exam this morning, the Neo-Assyrian exam, although I didn’t need to. I got into a stubborn mindset and wanted to complete the lot (although I do feel a tad sorry for our very stressed-out-looking teacher, handing him marking he didn’t technically need to do). I’m still waiting on some results: the Neo-Assyrian and Early Empire exams from this morning and last monday, and the results of my Independent Research Project (the disability one I’ve posted here) and the core development module (which involves putting together CVs n stuff like that), but I know I’ve passed those two, and really, at this point, the grades for them are almost irrelevant. I’ve passed the course. I’ve got the credits needed to get into Leicester Uni for the next stage. That’s all that’s relevant. (except a little matter of pride, which wanted distinctions across my whole certificate.. and I’ve got that, which I am so pleased about. And if I get distinctions for the remaining marks.. I’ll be almost happy. (Is it bad that I so want to go back and redo that first essay, to get the Merits pushed up to distinctions, so that I get distinctions across the board? it is? oh. um. well.. I’ll shut up then. But I do. Sorry. Can’t help it.)

Right now though.. I’m feeling kind of sad. I enjoyed the studying. Someone left a comment on my blog a few months ago about how I have to make the work my friend. I can’t remember who it was, but whoever it was, thank you, because you’re absolutely right. That’s what I’ve done, gone in there with the right mind set, made it my friend.. and now, like any friend who’s suddenly absent in your life, you find you’re missing it terribly.

I should be feeling exhilarated. After 10 long, intensive, hard months, I’ve achieved what I set out to achieve back in September: I’m going to uni in October, I feel prepared and ready and… I should be jumping for joy. But I’m not, not just because I’m going to miss the work, but because I have enjoyed being there so much: the work was at a level where I felt very comfortable with it, it was interesting, just challenging enough to keep me on my toes, but not so challenging that I was struggling uncomfortably. However, I was finding it easier and easier to absorb large chunks of information – by the time of the last exam I was doing just one day’s worth of preparation, and the last essay was written with just three day’s research. It showed – the essay definitely wasn’t as good as my previous efforts, and I said as much to the teacher (and apologised, but I had to focus on the exams instead, this was a few weeks ago) but she still gave me three distinctions for it. So I think, if I’m honest, at this point, I’m ready to go up to The Big School and start wearing long troosers.

What doesn’t help, is that I felt so comfortable there. I know I’ve said this in the last paragraph, but here I mean it differently. I felt so comfortable in the college building. There’s a nice little cafe in the entrance lobby (which is a gorgeous atrium), where you can buy decentish cheap (70p) coffee or have a proper meal, and its rare to find the tables all completely taken. I could get there at 8.15/8.30 and chill before class started at 9.15. It took a lot of pressure and stress off, in the morning, knowing that I had time and that provided the initial bus made it in, I could walk the rest of the way. The library was a good one, with lots of computers and a printer, which we had free use of, and a photocopier. You could buy office supplies from the libarian too, not too expensively. The whole set up was educational, but adult educational. I felt safe there, and with my background, where I was bullied at school, that’s important to me.

Leicester is a whole new quantity, and although I’ve been there once before, its still unknown. I don’t know where things are. I don’t know what the library is like. I have a whole new learning curve ahead of me, and new people to meet, and that makes me very very nervous. and that’s why I’m sad.. I’m losing my comfort zone.

I have been asked if I would like to return to the college in September for one day, on the induction day to act as a role model, someone who’s been there and done it, for new deaf students, and I’ve told them I’m more than happy to do that, provided it doesn’t clash with moving. I’m incredibly grateful to the college for all they’ve done for me: for the teachers, Kevin, Rachel, and Debi for being so damn inspirational and encouraging, for the notetakers, Eleanor, Georgie, Heena, Jenny and Julia, who have made this experience of education such a totally different one, and have enabled me to relax and not feel as though my deafness was impeding me for the first time in a very very long time (I love you guys. Can you come to Leicester with me?). For the rest of the staff, who’ve been patient with my deafness. I’m gonna miss you all. Thank you for all you’ve done.