something by way of a note for myself, really… after a day of eating real junk (i.e. those fake crisps, the salt and vinegar sticks, cheesy puffs, custard cremes, etc.) and dosing myself to hell and back with chemicals.. Michiel popped a cherry tomato into my mouth and i swear to god.. the flavour as it burst inside my mouth.. was absolutely amazing. My body cried out for the nutrients. Even now, i feel sick from too much sugar, from the chemicals, and there’s this nasty aftertaste that i just can’t get rid of (don’t ask why i bought the chemicals in the first place, i will just say PMT). I am swigging bottle after bottle of diluted squash… I will *not* be doing this again. (at least till next month.)

Man, Michiel just came out with a chunk of cucumber and i could *smell* the cucumbery juices, i mean, I’ve not been a huge fan of cucumber in the past (ask Mom, she’d tell you that cucumber was one of the things i wouldn’t eat, along with carrots (which i still hate btw)) but i tried to snatch that cucumber out of his hand (I got glared at, but he relented and gave me a bit). I can almost feel my body going “oh GOD thankfully something GOOD!”.

I’ve been struggling with the diet the last week (yes, i know i’ve not written, and that’s a whole other thang). feeling that i’m not getting anywhere.. which i’m probably not. Period is due on monday, which won’t be helping any i think (the moment of truth is period day 2 when i weigh myself), but i can feel on my body that i’ve not lost any. although i’ve not gone off the rails big time, i’ve been cheating in little ways. bar of chocolate here, a danish there. The “Insulin resistance Diet” book didn’t help any either – although i can understand the basic principle of it (and its probably bang on the nail about me), i’m suffering from too-many-diet-books-in-a-short-space-of-time-ism aka being-afraid-to-eat-anything-ism aka feeling “oh sod it, if i’m going to be norty (i.e. a lowfat yoghurt) i may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb (i.e. a bar of chocolate).

which isn’t good at all.

What is clear though is that my body at least has enjoyed being on the real food, its doing it good. i’m obviously – failing moments apart – eating enough of the right things. got to cut down on the amount i’m eating, obviously. or do more of the bad word (begins with E. involves brightly coloured bad taste leotards or jumping around like a loony or moving so my face goes bright red, drips with sweat and i look like a jogging pink elephant).

*mutters and mumbles and resolves to get up early to head up to the allotments and see about getting one of them instead.*