I spent most of this evening feeling quite down and sorry for myself and angry with the diabetes and my pathetic beta cells (although i also recognise that, ironically, my pathetic beta cell have probably saved my life*). Maybe i’m overdoing the low-carbing, but i suddenly started to feel really angry about the whole diabetes thing, about not being able to have anything nice, that i wanted. The net result was that i had two portions of leftover chipolata pudding, and while i felt better, i was fully expecting my post meal BG to go through the roof. It didn’t, i suspect primarily because apart from the sugar, there’s actually very little carbs in that pudding, and there’s a huge amount of fat in there (the whole pud has a PINT of whipped cream in – the whole pud has been divided into 16 portions, though, to give you some idea). So while it wasn’t a brilliant thing to pig out on, if i was going to go off the rails, it was better that than something like mashed potato or apple and blackberry crumble.

[* there is a certain amount of evidence that those who have diabetes and Insulin Resistance, which i have, are actually suffering from these as part of “syndrome X“, a combination of medical disorders which carries high risk of cardiovascular problems and so on – many people don’t even know they have it until they keel over of a heart attack, which is obviously too late, and those people don’t have the weak beta cells. Its quite possible to have insulin resistance, syndrome X, and strong beta cells, eat unhealthily with high cholesterol, be outwardedly healthy until… *boom*.. heart attack. My weak beta cells have, in a sense, acted as a wakeup call to the dangers of syndrome X – and probably saved my life.]

I’m also feeling down for another reason. an old friend found me on facebook, and approached me about starting up our friendship. She is something of an emotional vampire (although i’m quite sure she doesn’t see herself as such), and i have absolutely no desire to get involved with her again. But at the same time i totally dislike giving someone a kick in the teeth with a “no, i’m not interested in being friends again” – I’ve had that done to me a couple times and its not pleasant. The whole thing has stirred up a lot of memories that were probably best forgotten and that isn’t helping matters either. I’m going to have to email her tomorrow to tell her “no”, i just hope she doesn’t react as hysterically as she has done in the past.
[data behind cut]

11:52 – FBG – 7.1

12:20 – Pre breakfast reading – 7.7

12:21 – Breakfast: 3 x small sausages and a 2 egg omelette with cheese

13:49 – Post breakfast reading – 8.3

Difference: +0.6

18:14 – Pre lunch reading – 6.6

18:15 – Lunch: 2 x red pepper, soft cheese and basil rolls

20:09 – Post lunch reading – 6.6

Difference: +0.0

22:21 – Pre dinner reading: 5.8

22:22 – Dinner: Hot and spicy soup, followed by chipolata pudding

00:04 – Post dinner reading -8.3

Difference: +2.5