I’m hitting another down cycle. I haven’t had one for a while: guess I was hoping I wouldn’t get another one (bit silly, but.. hey… I live in hope. Glass half full n all that). Guess it also isn’t entirely surprising, with everything that’s happened in the last month or so.

Unfortunately its also making it very very difficult to get college work done at a point where I really don’t need that difficulty. I’ve an essay hanging over me on the Egyptian Old Kingdom, which I need to get done ASAP. Another essay due in when I get back after half term at the end of February on Iron Age Britain, and probably two more shortly after, one on Middle Kingdom Egypt and another on Classical 5th Century Greece. I also need to keep ontop of what we’re studying now, as soon we’re going to be getting into the period where the assessment for some of these modules is exams, rather than essays. And, of course, there’s my Independent Research Project (the Disabled in Ancient Greece) which needs to be done by Easter, as well. So I’ve got to get my head down and plough through it all.

The difficulty i’m having is with concentrating – i find my thoughts drifting far too easily at the moment. I’m having to read, and re-read, and re-read a paragraph two or three times before it sinks in, because i’m reading without taking it in, if that makes any sense. That doesn’t have too much of an impact on reading – it just takes me longer is all. Where it really impacts on is in my essay writing. That’s the part I’m really struggling with at the moment.

But its also not going to get any easier. And frankly, if I want a career in academia, there are going to be other times where my mind is longing to be elsewhere but I have to knuckle down and just work through it. I keep telling myself: “Stop being so bloody precious, Liz, and just siddown and write!” but that is still seriously easier said than done.

I long.. i really long.. to just go to bed, pull the duvet over my head, shut out the world, and shut down. not to sleep, but to shut down, to not feel. to go comatose. in some ways, that would be so easy, such a blessing. And its the one thing I know I can’t do. I have to get through this.

End of.