Well.. its over. the Fat Lady has well and truly squawked her last…. Until October, anyway.
I took the last exam this morning, the Neo-Assyrian exam, although I didn’t need to. I got into a stubborn mindset and wanted to complete the lot (although I do feel a tad sorry for our very stressed-out-looking teacher, handing him marking he didn’t technically need to do). I’m still waiting on some results: the Neo-Assyrian and Early Empire exams from this morning and last monday, and the results of my Independent Research Project (the disability one I’ve posted here) and the core development module (which involves putting together CVs n stuff like that), but I know I’ve passed those two, and really, at this point, the grades for them are almost irrelevant. I’ve passed the course. I’ve got the credits needed to get into Leicester Uni for the next stage. That’s all that’s relevant. (except a little matter of pride, which wanted distinctions across my whole certificate.. and I’ve got that, which I am so pleased about. And if I get distinctions for the remaining marks.. I’ll be almost happy. (Is it bad that I so want to go back and redo that first essay, to get the Merits pushed up to distinctions, so that I get distinctions across the board? it is? oh. um. well.. I’ll shut up then. But I do. Sorry. Can’t help it.)
Right now though.. I’m feeling kind of sad. I enjoyed the studying. Someone left a comment on my blog a few months ago about how I have to make the work my friend. I can’t remember who it was, but whoever it was, thank you, because you’re absolutely right. That’s what I’ve done, gone in there with the right mind set, made it my friend.. and now, like any friend who’s suddenly absent in your life, you find you’re missing it terribly.
I should be feeling exhilarated. After 10 long, intensive, hard months, I’ve achieved what I set out to achieve back in September: I’m going to uni in October, I feel prepared and ready and… I should be jumping for joy. But I’m not, not just because I’m going to miss the work, but because I have enjoyed being there so much: the work was at a level where I felt very comfortable with it, it was interesting, just challenging enough to keep me on my toes, but not so challenging that I was struggling uncomfortably. However, I was finding it easier and easier to absorb large chunks of information – by the time of the last exam I was doing just one day’s worth of preparation, and the last essay was written with just three day’s research. It showed – the essay definitely wasn’t as good as my previous efforts, and I said as much to the teacher (and apologised, but I had to focus on the exams instead, this was a few weeks ago) but she still gave me three distinctions for it. So I think, if I’m honest, at this point, I’m ready to go up to The Big School and start wearing long troosers.
What doesn’t help, is that I felt so comfortable there. I know I’ve said this in the last paragraph, but here I mean it differently. I felt so comfortable in the college building. There’s a nice little cafe in the entrance lobby (which is a gorgeous atrium), where you can buy decentish cheap (70p) coffee or have a proper meal, and its rare to find the tables all completely taken. I could get there at 8.15/8.30 and chill before class started at 9.15. It took a lot of pressure and stress off, in the morning, knowing that I had time and that provided the initial bus made it in, I could walk the rest of the way. The library was a good one, with lots of computers and a printer, which we had free use of, and a photocopier. You could buy office supplies from the libarian too, not too expensively. The whole set up was educational, but adult educational. I felt safe there, and with my background, where I was bullied at school, that’s important to me.
Leicester is a whole new quantity, and although I’ve been there once before, its still unknown. I don’t know where things are. I don’t know what the library is like. I have a whole new learning curve ahead of me, and new people to meet, and that makes me very very nervous. and that’s why I’m sad.. I’m losing my comfort zone.
I have been asked if I would like to return to the college in September for one day, on the induction day to act as a role model, someone who’s been there and done it, for new deaf students, and I’ve told them I’m more than happy to do that, provided it doesn’t clash with moving. I’m incredibly grateful to the college for all they’ve done for me: for the teachers, Kevin, Rachel, and Debi for being so damn inspirational and encouraging, for the notetakers, Eleanor, Georgie, Heena, Jenny and Julia, who have made this experience of education such a totally different one, and have enabled me to relax and not feel as though my deafness was impeding me for the first time in a very very long time (I love you guys. Can you come to Leicester with me?). For the rest of the staff, who’ve been patient with my deafness. I’m gonna miss you all. Thank you for all you’ve done.